This nanny has flown the coop. Somewhere above the Florida wilderness, this lady is experiencing a coffee buzz masking a growing migraine and heading for a weekend vacation. But between a 4:45 am wake up call and a delayed connecting flight, I can’t stop thinking about the Bears.
As I hurried out of the door last night to get my nails done and finish packing, I saw BB sitting on the couch and LB in his bouncer- both of them watching me walk out the door. I couldn’t help but wonder, do they know that I won’t be back for a few days? Seeing their precious little faces staring at me caused my heart to melt. I had to rush out the door. Not because I was worried about missing my nail appointment, but because I started to feel tears form in the corners of my eyes. Why now? After working for the Bears for over a year, I’ve never had this feeling of abandoning the boys. I usually have to remind myself that even though I am a nanny it’s just a job and that I am entitled to my days off. I was always wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t really give leaving them a second glance. But on this particular evening, as I had two sets of eyes watch me go, one set blue and one set brown, I finally realized that all of the hard work of raising those boys has rubbed off on them. I am not just a woman that comes and goes on weekdays, I am apart of their lives.
Childcare can be the most difficult, frustrating and physically exhausting job you can have… But the small rewards warm the heart. When LB has croup and can only sleep laying on my chest, I know I am there to keep him safe. His tiny, angelic face reminds me that babies, as stressful as they can be, are truly helpless beings. They can’t live without you. BB couldn’t either. While he can now use the potty (thanks to me and three days of brutal potty training) he can’t cook chicken nuggets (the only thing he will eat) or get himself milk. Most importantly, he wouldn’t have someone to snuggle with him in bed and read “We’re Going On A Bear Hunt” for the umpteenth time.
I’m still here, 30,000 miles above the Bears. I wonder how BB will be with school drop off this morning without me. I wonder if LB, the baby who never naps, will nap for his mother. I wonder if they’ll notice that I’m not here. My vacation might just technically be starting, but I am already excited to see the Bears’ faces when I walked in the door Monday morning.